travelcoat

so! it is 2014 now and i think i am gonna say goodbye to this little blog. i feel bogged down by this space, like writing here, i feel like i’m sucked into this narrative i’ve built of my struggle with depression + anxiety and how that correlates to the shitty relationship i had with ju

and right now i just want to think about how lucky i am to know so many amazingly talented women & queer people
and i want to get more serious about writing
and i want to write more unabashedly fangirlish posts about the things i’m listening to or reading

so i am moving my blog over to venusbone DOT tumblr DOT com. <3 feel free to follow me over there.
xoxo

moving day! move some boxes, channel kylie. drink more coffee, channel kylie. clean up, think about kylie getting me back at the end of the song.

LOOK AT THIS ANCIENT SELFIE I FOUND IN MY DRAFTS. This is from the apartment I subletted in Lilas, fall/winter 2012, cuz Vincent (my roommate at the time and Ju&#8217;s best friend) couldn&#8217;t pay rent.  I found this tiny angel in the room and tried to find its best angle. It made me think of my grandma (who, like a lot of the old Catholic ladies I know in West Michigan, has an impressive collection of angel figurines and pins and pictures).

LOOK AT THIS ANCIENT SELFIE I FOUND IN MY DRAFTS.

This is from the apartment I subletted in Lilas, fall/winter 2012, cuz Vincent (my roommate at the time and Ju’s best friend) couldn’t pay rent. 

I found this tiny angel in the room and tried to find its best angle. It made me think of my grandma (who, like a lot of the old Catholic ladies I know in West Michigan, has an impressive collection of angel figurines and pins and pictures).

From the Free CeCe McDonald Facebook page

kiriamaya:

!!!Attention CeCe McDonald lovers!!!
CeCe gets out of prison in just a little over 2 weeks. We are looking for a few donations. If you have any of these things laying around the house please feel free to drop them off for CeCe at The Exchange, 3405 Chicago Ave, Mpls.

ghoulchantsister asked: Round 2! 12, 22, 33

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Gwen’s! This is gonna be the dorkiest cat mom response but um, I am really proud of how much she’s come out of her shell since I found her in fall 2012 and what a sweet, loving and goofy kitty she’s turned out to be.

22. What was your favorite TV show?
Oh god, I have watched so much TV this year (probably more than I ever have, tbh). Right now I am on a serious late 90s nostalgia buzz (probably a result of my post breakup instability haze) and I’ve been (re)watching a lot of Daria and Sailor Moon.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ahh, this is hard! I can’t really narrow it down to one “issue”, per se. The atmosphere here in Paris is very heavy given all that’s happened—-increased police violence in black and arab neighborhoods, attacks on Muslim women, the manifs pour tous, attacks on gay couples, the murder of Clément Méric by fascists, etc etc—-and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how these things connect.

ghoulchantsister asked: 11, 15, 24, 26 <3 <3 <3

11. Best thing I bought:
This black tourmaline necklace I bought on Mael’s recommendation. I do think it helped me stay grounded through what could have been a pretty self destructive period.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A lot of things! I was the most excited when Audra visited in April/May and when Debbie visited in November. Also, when you gchatted me about Beyoncé’s album on the 13th and I was like, “what?” cuz I had been working all day. That was also exciting!

24. What was the best book you read?
I re-read The Color Purple this summer (last time I read it, I was in high school). I had a bad reading year (depression fucked up my ability to concentrate), but Walker’s way of writing human relationships is so intricate and beautiful that I got totally immersed in it and actually finished it. I found myself craving the book at times which, honestly, hasn’t happened to me much this year.

I have been thinking a lot about the very last page in my copy of The Color Purple, where Alice Walker writes: “I thank everybody in this book for coming./A.W., author and medium”

26. What did you want and get?
Hmmm, well, I wanted to find some things to actually like about myself & I did! I guess that’s progress.

Looking back on 2013

  • 1: What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
  • 2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
  • 3: Did anyone close to you give birth?
  • 4: Did anyone close to you die?
  • 5: What countries did you visit?
  • 6: What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013
  • 7: What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
  • 8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?
  • 9: What was your biggest failure?
  • 10: Did you suffer illness or injury?
  • 11: What was the best thing you bought?
  • 12: Whose behaviour merited celebration?
  • 13: Whose behaviour made you appalled?
  • 14: Where did most of your money go?
  • 15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?
  • 16: What song will always remind you of 2013?
  • 17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
  • 18: What do you wish you’d done more of?
  • 19: What do you wish you’d done less of?
  • 20: How did you spend Christmas?
  • 21: Did you fall in love in 2013?
  • 22: What was your favourite TV program?
  • 23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
  • 24: What was the best book you read?
  • 25: What was your greatest musical discovery?
  • 26: What did you want and get?
  • 27: What did you want and not get?
  • 28: What was your favourite film of this year?
  • 29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
  • 30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
  • 31: What kept you sane?
  • 32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
  • 33: What political issue stirred you the most?
  • 34: Who did you miss?
  • 35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
  • 36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
In spite of how emotionally exhausted I am, I still can snap out of it and feel like I have a life that is mine and the proof is this picture of Gwen (just a few seconds before she rolled over on her back and demanded belly rubs). I am sorta turning into my mom in the sense that like, when I write to friends I&#8217;m always like, &#8220;Gwen says hi!&#8221; which is a thing that my mom totally does. But my mom is an advanced case of this. Example: I haven&#8217;t gotten a holiday card from my mom in over 8 years; my mom&#8217;s cats are always the ones who &#8220;send&#8221; me cards. I think I&#8217;ll know that I&#8217;ve officially gone off the deep end into intense cat lady territory (don&#8217;t laugh) when my friends start exclusively receiving mail from my cat.

In spite of how emotionally exhausted I am, I still can snap out of it and feel like I have a life that is mine and the proof is this picture of Gwen (just a few seconds before she rolled over on her back and demanded belly rubs).

I am sorta turning into my mom in the sense that like, when I write to friends I’m always like, “Gwen says hi!” which is a thing that my mom totally does. But my mom is an advanced case of this. Example: I haven’t gotten a holiday card from my mom in over 8 years; my mom’s cats are always the ones who “send” me cards. I think I’ll know that I’ve officially gone off the deep end into intense cat lady territory (don’t laugh) when my friends start exclusively receiving mail from my cat.

writeaction:

dancing girl press, 2013http://dulcetshop.ecrater.com/p/19236166/solitude-being-alien-kimberly-alidio#
SOLITUDE BEING ALIEN Over an abyss, approach with discretion, attention, caution in stealth mode, in dead wells My transport is, I think, the tech of the poem left to earth, Nueva Filipinas  née Extremadura  A regular tomboy-femme cupping a cup of joe an attitude that makes you run despite fatigue, past fatigue, post-fatigue Women sitting on cardboard boxes, pink sheets hover over Tupperware of food over the aqueduct, under the overpass they unpack their shoulders, their shoulders fan out in long arcs thrown back scores bubble forth into a laughing river A City bustles, beeps, smells opens into infinite negative space, fries meat, spits out passengers half-asleep next to phone card hawkers, moneychangers​ It won’t let me alone tries me out to be its niece, a light-skinned consumptive from Sta Scholastica, a man in dingy crinolines, solitude being alien to most Filipinos Somewhere in the lower keys I wink awake into the silicon valley of the Comanches under the cirrus canopy over a Costco parking lot at dusk marked cartons stacked tall with jarred jellyfish shrink-wrapped sugarcane thudding shadows sheltering the dings of pedicabs The people of this planet dream a future collapsed inside me

writeaction:

dancing girl press, 2013
http://dulcetshop.ecrater.com/p/19236166/solitude-being-alien-kimberly-alidio#

SOLITUDE BEING ALIEN

Over an abyss, approach
with discretion, attention, caution
in stealth mode,
in dead wells

My transport is,
I think,
the tech of the poem
left to earth,
Nueva Filipinas
née Extremadura

A regular tomboy-femme cupping a cup
of joe
an attitude that makes you run
despite fatigue, past fatigue, post-fatigue

Women sitting
on cardboard boxes, pink sheets
hover over Tupperware of food
over the aqueduct, under the overpass
they unpack their shoulders, their shoulders
fan out in long arcs thrown back
scores bubble forth into a laughing river

A City bustles, beeps, smells
opens into infinite
negative space, fries meat, spits out
passengers half-asleep next to
phone card hawkers,
moneychangers​

It won’t let me alone
tries me out to be its niece,
a light-skinned consumptive
from Sta Scholastica,
a man in dingy crinolines,
solitude being alien
to most Filipinos

Somewhere in the lower keys
I wink awake
into the silicon valley
of the Comanches
under the cirrus canopy
over a Costco parking lot at dusk
marked cartons stacked tall
with jarred jellyfish
shrink-wrapped sugarcane
thudding shadows
sheltering the dings
of pedicabs

The people of this planet
dream
a future collapsed
inside me

hammamélis/witch hazel: like the way those words feel in my mouth. yellow yellow witch hazel.